Dealing with Rejection
Life is full of rejection. For the past two-plus years, it’s been a constant companion of mine. And wow, does it suck.
Overall, I’m a fairly positive person who tries to find the good in situations when I can (though you’ll never hear me say “everything happens for a reason” because I deeply hate and disagree with that sentiment. No, everything doesn’t happen for a reason. Sometimes they do, but also, sometimes things just happen). So, when it comes to rejections, I try to look at the positive—at least I’m trying. For so many years, that wasn’t the case.
But since being part of a 50% company-wide layoff in November 2023, I’ve been floundering a bit professionally. I want to be a full-time author, but that takes time to accomplish, and the 150+ query rejections sitting in my inbox shows it will take at least a few more years to make that happen. (Now, I will say many of those are because I was too overzealous. I have learned a lot about the querying process and have become much more strategic since my first rodeo). Still, that goal will take time.
To add on top of that rejection and temporary failure, I’ve also received nothing but job rejections. Which is…not something I’m accustomed to. Before this time, I would apply to 1-5 jobs and get every job I interviewed for. That’s no longer the case. I’ve made it to too many final rounds where they say “We’d love to hire you but we’re going with someone with more direct experience,” or my favorite, “we’d love to hire you for this other job that’s directly related to your past experience even though you’re trying to pivot away from that. Oh, and we’re not hiring for it until next year.”
I don’t share this to complain even though that last paragraph definitely reeks of resentment. I share it to say rejection sucks. Sometimes we can learn from the experience, and sometimes we can’t. But the more we get rejected, the more it means we’re trying. And the more rejections we get, the easier it is to brush them off.
The first year of near-constant rejections between queries and jobs was so hard. I cried. A lot. Maybe daily? I pulled away from friends and family because it was easier to hide my shame than it was to share it. Year two got easier. I don’t cry after every rejection. Only the ones that I was really, really excited for.
From my career coaching work, one thing I focused on with my students was that your job doesn’t define you. I would encourage them to not have their first question to new acquaintances be “what do you do for work?” because people are so much more than the way they get paid. And yet, even knowing that and truly believing it, the feelings of worthlessness in this whole process run deep. (Please note, I know I’m not worthless and am very happy with the person that I am. We all have bad days though and moments of self-deprecation, and feeling worthless is the one that hits me on those days. That inner critic can really be such a bitch).
Earlier on in this post, I mentioned all these things being temporary failures. I say it like that because one of my favorite quotes from a Peloton instructor (shoutout to Becs) is that “FAIL is just a First Attempt In Learning.” Especially when it comes to querying, I’m learning from all the No’s, even the ever-frustrating form rejections (of my many rejections, ONE has given concrete feedback. One. I get it and really do understand they don’t have time, but it still sucks as the recipient).
Anyway, the point is, rejections suck, but they do get easier to stomach. Each and every no is a step closer to yes. So, I will keep moving forward and keep trying because one day I’m going to accomplish my goals.